Stop asking for reproducers. There won’t be any.

I won’t make you a reproducer for a bug that occurs in 0.0000001% of your vibecode executions, and here’s why.

To make a reproducer, I need to:

  1. Get permission from the client to leak proprietary code.
  2. Create a new project on GitHub
  3. Set up sharing
  4. Clone the project
  5. Write project setup to run on the required platform
  6. Write code to connect the necessary dependencies.
  7. Download dependencies
  8. Add them to the required modules.
  9. Replicate our obfuscation, compilation, and code transformation setup from a project with 150,000 lines of code and 50 modules
  10. Reproduce exactly our setup with building and starting the application, its entry point, 18347 compilation and runtime flags, data loading, to get to that place in the code where your bug reproduces.
  11. Copy and leak into the internet proprietary glue code that depends on 10 other proprietary things we wrote for the project, including our design system, our utilities, our DI, our architecture, our interfaces, our helper classes, our extensions, and our generated code, or spend a day trying to clean the project of all this.
  12. Wait for all this to build, and either continue adding surrounding code because your bug doesn’t reproduce without 1818263922 execution conditions (because your code is unreliable and flaky), or start removing dependencies one by one, glue code, and everything I added, because you need a “minimal reproducer” or god forbid you spend time writing a test with AI in your repo in 10 minutes.

The reproducer that YOU need for YOUR bug, which I confirmed is on your side, and even explained the cause and how to fix it - took me 8 hours of work and ruined my day off.

I asked the client, for whom the ticket with your bug caused losses of tens of thousands of dollars, if he wants to throw in another $200 on top to pay me for working as your personal bug-fixing assistant. But for some reason he got really angry ¯\(ツ)/¯ and said something like “are you kidding me, you have 36 more tasks in your sprint, bro”.

Well isn’t that a predicament, what should we do now? Maybe you’ll pay me for working on the weekend?

I suppose now you have every right to close my bug ticket, which caused crashes for thousands of users, as “not reproducible” (wontfix (NotPlanned (Closed))) 👍 - because you’re too lazy to dig into your code. Not reproducible for anyone except our tens of thousands of users, apparently.

— What’s that, can’t hear you? — “But I’m trying my best and making a free open source project, I don’t owe you any fixes, fuck off with that attitude 😭”

Well guess what, I don’t owe you any reproducers either. I helped you for free by pointing out an error in the code. Won’t fix it?

Well let the bug hang there then, apparently you don’t need people to use your library either, and you get off on making life worse and harder for people around you.

I don’t have 10000 hours to monitor 100+ tickets that are open in other repositories and are actively breaking my project in prod right now. I have feelings and a personal life too.

Take off your rose-colored glasses, stop thinking that your code is perfect and everyone else wrote shitty code and is using it incorrectly.

I helped you as best I could. Before asking for a repro, reciprocate the help given to you - try to reproduce it yourself.

Didn’t work? Ask for information, not a “reproducer”. What specifically do you need? I’m happy to help with something specific.

No reproducer? Don’t you dare close my ticket.